Tủ Bar - the feeling of using alcohol to cure pain

After a while of being unable to get out of toxic thoughts in my head and my surroundings, I found myself seeking comfort in alcohol. I went from one familiar bar to another, and drank from 3-4 times a week, if not at home then at a bar. I thought I might be on the edge of becoming an alcoholic, but then I realized, I was there more for the feelings of being safe, rather than the alcohol itself.

We all have different ways to deal with pain and trauma. Some are easy to talk about. Some aren’t. For me, alcohol has been an easy escape lately. I drank, and I drank just to be able to sleep easier at night, and sometimes, it calmed my panic attacks.

Through my traumas, I found a bar hidden behind a closet, located in Binh Thanh District, very close to my house. The story of why the owner opened the bar was quite interesting. He was hiding from his past traumas by hiding in the closet as a kid. Every guest came to Tu Bar with a desire to rest their pains and at least forget about the stress for a couple of hours while they were there.

Tủ doesn’t offer a menu, but the bartenders make the drinks based on asking them what they like in their drinks. It was quite interesting because every drink came with a side snack that complemented the drinks so well.

I usually sat there for hours and just stared at the dark space, and let my mind run free from all the thoughts and negative energies. When I was there, I felt safe and comfortable. From time to time, I talked to the owner and learned more about his traumas and how he overcame them. We shared our past experiences and cared for one another as friends or customers vs. owners.

Thưởng Trà

Nghệ thuật thưởng trà được bắt nguồn từ Trung Quốc. Muốn trà được ngon thì phải canh đúng lửa, đúng nước. Trà đậm hay nhạt, đắng hay thanh tuỳ thuộc vào lượng trà ta cho vào ấm mỗi lần thưởng thức. Khi uống trà, ta phải canh lửa sao cho độ sôi thích hợp với từng loại trà để không làm mất đi hương vị đặc trưng.

Thưởng thức trà không phải chỉ là hành động uống ly trà mà còn là sự thức tỉnh trong tâm trí của người uống. Nhận thức trong từng thao tác hành động, từ trán ly, trán ấm, rửa trà, pha trà và thưởng thức.

C đã biết đến nghệ thuật thưởng trà đã lâu, và cũng đã tự tìm hiểu đủ nhiều để biết bản thân mình đam mê để bắt đầu. Nhẹ nhàng ma sát ly tử sa ấm nóng lên bàn tay, những đường vân gân nổi trên ly, ma sát vào các huyệt của bàn tay, làm thức tỉnh mạch máu, lưu thông các tĩnh mạch, máu huyết.

Sau đó, ma sát hay bàn tay nóng vào nhau, áp lên mắt, tai để đánh thức bản thân một cách nhẹ nhàng.Với mình, mỗi lần thưởng trà là một cơ hội ngồi thiền, đọc sách để bắt đầu một ngày mới.

Đối với C, muốn thức tỉnh nhanh chóng thì uống cà phê, còn nếu muốn giữa sự tỉnh táo lâu dài thì uống trà. Trà luôn giữ mình tỉnh táo lâu hơn cà phê, và các lợi ích của việc uống trà thì nhiều vô số kể, ví dụ như giúp giảm cân, và trẻ hoá…

Với bộ môn này, mình thấy bản thân đã hưởng được khá nhiều lợi ích, từ việc bình tĩnh, tịnh tâm trước khi bắt đầu một ngày mới, thì nó còn mang lại lợi ích sức khoẻ. Những ai đang tìm kiếm sự bình an, nên bắt đầu tìm hiểu vì những lợi ích mà bộ môn này mang lại.

Tết - Lunar New Year 2023

While growing up, Tết in our family was quite different compared to other families; we don’t celebrate Tết. Like most families, we still cooked different dishes that are traditional to have during Tết, such as Chưng or Tét cake, braised pork belly and eggs, bitter melon soup, and a variety of pickled vegetables. But different from other families is that we don’t actually celebrate it like others. Our Tết used to pass by quietly and dully. We used to just stay at home and watch TV for days, or some years, my mom would take us on a trip somewhere abroad. 

Although we still have all the kinds of traditional foods, we have them in the house because everything is closed during Lunar New Year; there is no wet market, and no stores or restaurants are open; Lunar New Year is considered a National Holiday so everything is closed for at least 3 days. 

This year, I got to experience Tết truly. About a week before Tết, I went to make Chưng cakes with my sister-in-law's family. I came over around 9 A.M. and was ready to work. I started by helping the elders cut the dong leaves, then we organized them by small leaves and big leaves. Then about an hour later, I started helping with the process of packing it. There are eight layers inside the Chưng cake, including the leaves: 

1. First, we put down several layers of leaves to proof the cake from leaking through while cooking.

2. Then put down a layer of sweet rice, and even it out so it can cook evenly in the pot.

3. Next would be a layer of mungbean paste. Again, even it out.

4. Pick out a piece of pork belly that has both meat and fat so the meat would be juicy after the cake is cooked. 

5. Then repeat the process of another layer of mungbean paste and then a layer of sweet rice.

6. Lastly, we would put several layers of dong leaves on top of the cake, wrapped and tied it up with the bamboo strings. 

The process of cooking Chưng cakes takes about 12 hours of constantly cooking in a large pot filled with water on medium to high heat. After 12 hours, they would be divided into small batches and delivered to all the families.

On the night of Tết, after all the traditional rituals, I waited for my friend to pick me up, and we went to different temples for luck. It was common for people to go to temples on Tết, it was a way to ask blessings from the Above to have a new year of luck and favorable. Since it was common to do this, everywhere we went was crowded, and hard to get inside. We finished and got home around 3 A.M. We were tired but happy. 

The next day, my sister and I went to our families' houses to wish them a happy new year, and they gave us blessings and lucky money. Then all my siblings gathered at my dad’s house and had lunch with him. My dad was happy to have all his kids in one country this year; we sat, talked, and ate together. After that, we played a little innocent poker and bầu cua for fun, and hours after that we all went home when it was too late and my dad needed to rest.

Tết this year was meaningful and fun, and both my sister and I for the first time got to experience Tết the right way, the traditional way. I want to make this a tradition of mine, spend Tết the right way, with family and the traditions; with laughter and joy, and with a heart full of love. 

Stuffing yourself with happiness

The definition of food for me is not just stuffing yourself with goodness, but also understanding how every flavor works with each other on a dish. From the plating to the flavor and even the portion itself needed to be considered. Food is more than just making you feel full, it’s the art of creating a dish from the chef, and the art of enjoying it to the fullest from the person that tastes that art on a plate.

I have loved cooking my whole life, and there is no doubt that I love food more than fashion. I love to cook for my family and friends, from the process of going to the market in the morning to pick out the produces to the preparation to the cooking itself. Every dish that I made, I put my heart into it for the people that I love. Growing up in the States, I love going out to eat, not just to hang out with people but to taste a new dish, and figure out how to make it myself. But I didn’t get a chance to actually come close to anything other than cooking the food myself.

Within the year that I’m back from Vietnam, I have had a lot of opportunities to be around food constantly. Such as becoming friends with a few chefs or people who work in the Food and Beverage industry. Being around them a lot helps me realize my love for food not just because I want to eat well, but maybe I want to work in that industry too. From seeing them create the dish to serving it to the customers, it’s a long process but worth the wait. “Masterpiece takes time.”- that’s what I usually say to my friends.

One fun thing in this industry is testing the food before it becomes the final product. I had the opportunity to try this "fun activity" out twice, and I only captured the moment the second time. The first time I tried it, it was in a more formal setting, so it was harder to actually see what was going on back in the kitchen. But it was fun the second time, and I was in the kitchen myself to see the whole process. So let me tell you how this experience was for me!

Kuro - the cutie

She greets all the guests that come to dine.

I arrived at the private dining around 2 P.M. on a chilly Sunday. The chef greeted me with a big smile on his face as always, while trying to stop his dog from jumping on me. I took about 10 minutes to catch my breath and just catch up with the chef. Oh! the chef and I became friends after one night I booked a slot at his private dining, I came to dine alone and be friends with another girl, and turned out the girl and the chef were high school friends.

Kuro was surprisingly very clingy to me for some reason, she followed me everywhere, and wouldn’t leave me alone for just a second. The first dish that I tried out was a very interesting one. It was a crispy rice base and raw tuna on top with some beets which the chef had diced into small cubes. He had seasoned the raw tuna already and set it in the fridge before I arrived, I guess he did it in the morning for the marinated to soak in. He originally wanted to have some sort of tea to pour in as a soup to eat together, but it didn’t work out in the end so he got rid of it. We tested that dish so much that I got so full from just one dish, we actually finished the whole pot of cooked rice.

After taking a short break, we began testing out the second dish, which was dessert. It was a cold dish, which is perfect for the weather in Vietnam, but the ingredients are so fitting for Fall and Winter seasons. At first, the dessert ingredients contain spices-cookie crumbs, purple sweet potatoes mochi, and apple sorbet, and serving it with plum wine. The plum wine with spices-cookie crumbs turn out to leave a very bitter aftertaste, so the chef decided to just take out the plum wine. Then, I suggested making it in a glass jar, with the cookie crumbs as a base, then the apple sorbet, then with whipping cream on top, and topping it off with small mochi balls. It turns out pretty well in the glass jar.

By the end of the “session”, I was too full and very sleepy. I was resting at the table and almost fell asleep. I said goodbye to the chef, and his assistant, then Kuro walked me to the door and I said goodbye to her then. It was a very memorable experience, and I had so much fun doing it. I was very happy and my tummy was extremely happy.

Friendship

Friendship is a kinda weird concept to describe. Not everyone passes through our life and becomes our friends; some stay friends and some become lovers or family. For those who are fortunate enough to find the kind of friendships that had been through thick and thin with you, well? Congratulation!

Luckily, I am one of those fortunate people. Life is not perfect. When you find something so happy, life always finds a way to destroy that happiness of yours. Of course, there are some toxic people in my life; but I always think I am one the fortunate to have friends who stay with me for better or worse.

It has always been a hit or miss for me when it comes to friendship. Some people I have encountered in my life and thought: "We're probably just going to meet in a social environment; we only connect on a different level, or we wouldn't become friends". But sometimes, giving that friendship another shot, meet them in a different environment, and they are just different somehow, and the energy surrounding us is different.

I have a few co-workers who still stay as good, close friends; they are lovely people to meet anytime, outside of work or just for a social gathering. Or a few friends since college and high school; some I have always been friends with, and some I just recently met. Odd relationships sometimes turn into something very worth your time.

The odd kid and my cool girl 😂

A quality friendship is when you are willing to take the time and energy to hang out with someone. And you're enjoying the time that you have spent together, not just doing it because you have to. A forced friendship or any kind of relationship never last, because if you’re not enjoying it then why go through that discomfort again?

We all have different groups of friends: best friends, co-workers, and social friends… my best friend and I have stayed friends for at least 12 years now, AT LEAST. We have known each other since middle school and had the same giraffe pencil case on the first day of school. We didn’t become friends at first, but we grew a lot closer when I studied abroad in Texas. It's crazy that it has been 12 years. I have another best friend, and I knew him since college. Never thought that we would be this close, and it has been 8-years now. The day he graduated (he graduated before I did because he was older), he wrote me a letter, and I remembered I was crying for hours and couldn't stop, because I didn’t want him to leave me there. I never thought I will need someone other than my family, but they are family to me, and I need them always.

Some friends stayed with you for a long time simply because your energy levels matched, our ideals in life matched, and similar hobbies matched too. Sometimes, even though a lot of things have a match, we still grow apart due to different life choices that we make, and to make every relationship “work”, you have to put down at least some effort. Whether texting, talking or spending quality time together. It has always been the efforts that count; the act of taking care of the relationships is what counts.

My all time favorite travel buddy ♥️

My cool gang ♥️

The 3rd Times I'm in Quarantine

I have tested positive with COVID-19. 

“Damn it." - My first thought 

I guess, up to this point, testing positive with COVID isn’t about myself anymore, but about the people that I have come in close contact with. My symptoms weren’t bad, I had a sore throat at first when I still tested negative. When my sore throat was gone, that’s when I tested positive, which was weird. 

Thinking back, I should have taken at least a couple of days off of work so I could fully rest; the first couple days I was tired so I only W-F-H half-day, and used the other half to sleep it off. 

I remembered being unable to sleep at night because of night sweats, I would wake up in the middle of the night and unable to go back to sleep; and still going on (but now that might be from stress at work). 

I sneezed a lot the first few days, but luckily, I had no fever, no headache, no loss in smell… but just coughing, lots of it. Shortness of breath was something that I noticed very early on; I can't find a position where I could be comfortable breathing; whether standing, sitting, or laying down. 

My quick test at home

My chest feels heavier when I breathe; even though I have tested negative, my family still tells me to stay home and rest a couple more days to recover.
I tested almost every day to make sure and to know how long does it take for me to recover; which hurt my nose a lot. That was stupid of me. I should’ve rested more instead of testing more haha. 

After 10 days, I have gotten better, I heard a lot of my friends and my co-workers start to test positive, and the number kept going up. It worries me, people got too comfortable with the situation, they forgot we still live in the “war zone”; some people are still having to fight an unseen war. 

Doctors are having a hard time fighting this battle for us all, from the beginning when we had no idea what the hell COVID is, they already fighting till now. They are suffering more than anyone else because some of them also got COVID while taking care of patients and became the patient themselves. 

Now, people know that they could get COVID again after they’ve got it once. They are not untouchable, it’s not something to take lightly. We are living in a very strange time in life, where we have to care a lot more about our surroundings and the people around us. 

Stay safe. 

Family meal - Cơm nhà

What is a typical Vietnamese family meal or what we call Cơm Nhà?

A family meal is something that we crave every time we're going away for either work or study. A family meal is something familiar to your childhood, something you grow up eating; It’s not always fancy, it can just be a simple meal but you cannot get anywhere else but home; a simple meal cooked with your parents' love and care. It's the feeling when all family members gather around the table, surrounded with warmness and coziness. We talk about our day and share stories because that's what family is for, being there for each other.

For me, it’s been years since the last time I had a family meal as I have been away from home for a long time. A Vietnamese family meal typically has three dishes: a soup, a salty dish or main dish, and a salad or a stir-fried. Yet, you could always change the dishes to your taste since there is no rule to it. Today, I would love to share with you some of the Vietnamese family dishes that I made. Bon appetite!  

Bữa cơm nhà là thứ mà chúng ta luôn nhớ đến mỗi khi xa nhà do đi học hoặc công việc. Cơm nhà là thứ gì đó quen thuộc với tuổi thơ chúng ta. Cơm nhà không phải là một bữa ăn quá cầu kì, nhưng bạn chẳng thể ăn được ở đâu khác ngoài nhà bạn. Một bữa ăn đơn giản được nấu bởi mẹ bạn hoặc ba bạn với tất cả tình yêu thương, và sự quan tâm. Đó là cảm giác mà khi tất cả các thành viên trong gia đình cùng quây quần bên mâm cơm nóng, bao trùm bởi không khí ấm cúng của gia đình. Chúng ta có thể nói chuyện với nhau về ngày của mình ra sao, chia sẻ những khó khăn và vất vả cùng nhau vì đó là gia đình, luôn sát cánh bên nhau.  

Đối với mình, đã rất lâu rồi mình chưa được ăn một bữa cơm gia đình đúng nghĩa vì mình xa nhà đã lâu. Thông thường, bữa cơm gia đình Việt Nam sẽ gồm có ba món: canh, món mặn, gỏi hoặc một món xào. Tuy nhiên, bạn có thể thay đổi theo sở thích, vì không có quy tắt nào cả. Hôm nay, mình muốn chia sẻ với các bạn một bữa ăn gia đình do mình chuẩn bị. Chúc các bạn ngon miệng! :)

Fish cake braised with tomato, fried eggplants with green onion oil, and crown daisy soup with tofu and mushrooms.

Chả cá kho cà, cà tím chiên, cà tím chiên mỡ hành, và canh tần ô nấu nấm rơm và đậu hủ.

Fried fishes, leaf mustard shrimp soup, and peperomia pellucida salad.

Cá hấp chiên, canh cải ngọt nấu tôm, và gỏi rau càng cua.

Chicken stir-fried with lemongrass and chilly, and gourd soup.

Gà xào sả ớt và canh bầu.

Crispy pork poached with picked reed radish, stir-fried bamboo shoot with garlic, and chicken salad.

Heo quay kho cải chua, măng chua xào tỏi, và gỏi gà hành tây.

Thai Chicken Basil, steamed vegetables, and homemade kimchi.

Gà xào lá quế kiểu Thái, rau củ hấp chấm chao, và kim chi nhà làm.